Shooting Film | Facing Fear & Finding Inspiration
It’s Friday. Get fired up.
Today, I write a little about inspiration.
Maybe you’ve noticed my work has changed a bit over the past few months. [Maybe not; that’s okay too!]. Around June, I hit a wall, but I couldn’t articulate the source of my frustrations and impotency. I just knew I was down, and a large part of it was feeling dissatisfied in my work.
Not that I was disappointed in my shoots or my images, at all. I just knew that I needed to get to another level. I just knew I really wanted to get to another level. I’m the type of person that needs to be challenged constantly in order to feel fulfilled, and I was at the point where I needed to push myself to learn more.
I found myself googling a type of shooting style that I couldn’t exactly wrap my head around but knew I was eager to try. Soft, pastel-y, creamy. This style contradicts my photojournalist background but is, still, a nod to my fine art objectives, and it was a technique that not only intrigued me but completely eluded me. I must have spent 150 hours editing two weddings in particular, trying to accomplish that ‘look.’ And, in researching that style over & over & f’n over again, I found myself in tears, in panic attacks, in wretched moods with V… all so I could accomplish growth. But I just couldn’t figure it out; or, more like, just when I thought I’d figured it out, I’d stumble upon another shooter so much better than me that my heart ached. My drive is part competitiveness (I’m ambitious as hell), part fear (how will I ever be able to sustain my business if I can’t evolve to suit the trends and keep up with industry leaders?), and part sheer curiosity (it bugs the crap outta me when I can’t figure something out).
In seeking out guidance for this technique, the name ‘Jose Villa’ kept cropping up. At first I thought it was the name of a preset for Lightroom (which is totally not the case but in my naivety I had no idea). Eventually I buckled in for a wild ride and researched this Jose person, and a part of me was forever changed.
These two images were the first of Jose’s that positively grabbed me. The depth of field, the flow, the pure cashmere feel of the image… just… oh, they moved me. And I’m aware that sounds trite but that is the honest-to-goodness truth. I couldn’t (and can’t) stop staring.
I also learned that Jose Villa is one of the world’s leading wedding photographers and endlessly influential to photographers across the globe. As for me? When I see his work, HOW DOES HE DO THAT? erupts from the center of my brain, and envy, awe, admiration pours out of my inquiring eyes. Anyway, once I calmed down, I studied his work and learned an enormous, distinguishing fact: Jose Villa shoots film. Like, real-deal, no digital preview screen on the back of the camera, no cheating, old-school film. I asked myself, hmm, could film itself really create that look? Is that the simple solution I’ve been seeking for these past few months, as I sat nearly stabbing out my eyes trying to figure out how other shooters were accomplishing that style? Well, it’s a start. Film + a great camera + a great lens + the right processing + of course, a great shooter behind the lens. But, yes. Shooting film would be the first step toward achieving the look I’ve been so desperately seeking.
As soon as that *awareness* was brought to my attention, I began googling film photographers and saw again and again the difference in the texture, quality, and ambiance of the images — and I was sold. I must try it.
No sooner had I made the decision to give film a go did I become aware that my mentor had, after many months of her own self-analysis and pursuit of inspiration, herself picked up a Contax 645 and begun shooting film for her clients. Now Melissa Jill is not really — not technically — my ‘mentor’ in the sense that I’ve never met her, shadowed her, or attended her workshops. But her blog was my bible throughout the first year of my business. More than that, I also considered her my greatest source of creative inspiration when I hit my lows in those early days. Sadly, I haven’t had as much time recently to cruise her blog (or anyone’s blog, for that matter), so I hadn’t been on it in a few months. And I was thunderstruck to see her exploring film — and acutely aware that, if Ms. Jill was doing it, I was certainly on the right path. Two images she posted in the past week (the two images below) positively blew my mind, and it’s clear to me that she’s not only retained her command of the camera but that her film work has escalated her into another stratosphere of excellence.
Wow.
And this image BLOWS.ME.AWAY. Like, kills me cuz it’s so immaculately perfect.
SO, short story long, I’ve long been planning a shoot in Moab for this upcoming weekend with an incredible team of talent, and about a month ago I made arrangements to rent a Contax 645 to capture it all. I’m going for it. I’m not saying I’ll love it. I’m not saying I’ll master it. I’m not even saying I’ll be any good (for all I know, I’m opening myself up to heartbreak). And I can’t imagine ever fully switching over to film since I’m not sure it’s the best medium for parts of my business (or, even parts of a single event). It’s also ridiculously expensive. In addition to having to spend $5,000 on new gear — camera, lenses, viewfinders, etc etc, that don’t at all function with my existing gear — having to use labs labs costs about $3 a shot when you consider the cost of film, shipping, developing, and scanning.
But I’d love to enhance my work with this new progression — if I can pull it off, that is.
I’m at that place where I’m both nervous and excited. And that’s the place where we most challenge, motivate, and celebrate ourselves, right? Away we go!
**I used screen shots of these photographer’s work and have credited and accoladed them both — I hope that’s sufficient as far as honoring them, and in no way am I attempting to steal or pass this work off as my own**
